In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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