Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
