She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
