what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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