yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
