Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
