How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
