she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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