Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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