Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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