Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
