so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
