How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
