i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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