i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
