remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
