Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
