There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
