just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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