After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
