ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
