Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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