okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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