I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
