I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
