Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
