i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
