I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
