it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
