you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
