If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
