WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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