He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
