and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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