yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
