Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He passed out mid-signature
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I supernannyed him into submission
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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