I accidentally burped into my bong.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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