Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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