Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
