dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
