it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
