I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
