it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
