i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
