She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
