Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
