I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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