fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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