hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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