mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
