An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Barsexuality is the new black.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
