OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Be still, my beating vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
