So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
