i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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