I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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