Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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